Trigger Words

Nah, I’m not going to snap on you…chill.

Since my pops passed I can be in the midst of conversation and I’ll have to excuse myself because I become overwhelmed. I tend to take pride in keeping my composure so this whole idea grievance is new to me.

Quite frankly, I hate it.

Yesterday, I was in the salon talking about the weather and I thought about how the weather was perfect on the day of my father’s funeral. I remembered how the sunlight reflected off his casket. Which led me to swell up with tears and almost got me burnt by the pressing comb. [Shout out to Darryl for having the quick hot comb reflexes]

• I can be driving and pass by a tree that reminds me of my pops back yard… boom tears.
• Mingus Ah Um playing? Cant even make it half way through the album.
• Lemon pepper? Shoot that was his favorite seasoning I feel myself about to pout

I mean, it’s not affecting my ability to function by any means. I’ll be in and out of tears in 5 seconds and back to carrying out business before anyone even notices. But it hurts. I’ve been around death before but the death of a parent is…rough. I’ve accepted that he is at peace. I thank God for that daily. I just pray that this whole grievance chills. I’m not one to show emotion and I am a very ugly crier. So all this extra has to cease soon…right?

In August of 2007 I stood at my 15th floor window and almost jumped to my death…

But here I am.

Suicide is something that we don’t confront boldly, yet so many have had the thoughts of taking our own life. It occurs almost twice as often as homicides. I have heard of entirely too many close acquaintances and loved ones who have made that step to end their life short. It is something that is very much preventable… That is,  it is preventable if we bring forth the forum to discuss it openly.

In 2007, my mother was very sick. I had dropped out of college to take care of her full-time and she did not seem to be getting better. One night I thought I knew she was going to die and I was there with her…by myself….alone…helpless. I felt like without her I had nothing to live for. When she was finally able to rest I went to my room. Opened my window and looked at what could have been my demise 15 floors below.

That is the moment at which point you will either go through with it or back away. But something came into play at that very moment for me: PERSPECTIVE

Things came into scope…

I realized if my mother did not pass from her illness she would most definitely die of a broken heart. I considered my family…my neices who adore their “Aunty Michelle” so. And more importantly I realized I would be cutting God’s purpose for my life short. I figured it would have been selfish of me to make that bold of a decision…My life is in God’s hands.

And since then, almost five years later, my daily motivation to live is to fulfill God’s purpose for my life

I closed my window with my face wet from tears…turned and walked away. AND LIFE GOT BETTER. Even with it’s highs and lows we must remember there is always hope. Even when we are in our darkest of nights the sun will soon come.

No matter what you have done wrong, how you are viewed by others, how alone or hurt you may feel now…LIFE GETS BETTER AND YOU DO HAVE PURPOSE!

If you have read this far and you have almost taken you own life but stopped short PLEASE TAKE A SELFLESS MOMENT AND SHARE YOUR STORY TOO. Everyone’s story is different. What made you choose life? WordPress is an open forum and so many need to know that they are not alone.

A More Substantial Substance

Last month I was conversing with a cat about some heavy issues that had been going on with me. During the conversation I was explaining how I was hurt yet still pushing forth and staying focused on my responsibilities because when I take care of the Lord’s business he has always taken care of me [beaucoup]. However, in the midst of me explaining all that I was saying how the Lord has always taken care of me and blessed me, in that the topic of some of the cars I have had came up…

“you had an Escalade? And a Benz too!?” 

I stammered in speech when he said that. It’s almost like I saw dollar signs pop in this cat’s eyes [like on the old looney tunes flicks… real montana max-esque]  In my mind I said, “are you even listening to what I’m saying!?!?!“  nevertheless, I paused and simply said, “yes” as though it were nothing big. Because in reality when you’re used to being blessed it becomes the norm. That’s not to sound boastful nor presumptuous because each blessing is as eagerly anticipated as the next.

But it’s crazy how even when you’re trying to explain how you’ve gotten things in life through following what The Lord has for you people don’t want to listen to the process of how things are attained. Everyone wants to jump to the outcome. Especially when they assume said outcome involves blowing money fast [*Rick Ross voice* I think Im big Meesh! <— No, not really]

But back to the not-so-underlying issue at hand with Mr. Montana Max. With this money driven society we now live in greed seems to be the main motivation for many. Yes many may have some sort of earnest and sincere drive however with what is shoved at us via music and television many folks [teens AND adults] are taking things shown at face value. Strictly monetary value. Less and less are after any sort of substantial substance.

But it’s rather annoying when people want to overlook HOW I am blessed. It takes prayer, obedience, prayer, faith, and more prayer, sometimes a stumble, prayer, occasionally a fall, prayer, obedience and more prayer. I’m not the first to say this and most definitely not the last. But I’m blessed to be a blessing. Everything I have received in life is to give glory back to God and show what He can do. He has been that which sustains me in so many ways.

-Meesh

9.11.

10 years ago today I was a freshman in high school back in LA. It was the first full week of school. I had a two-hour commute school which meant I had to be out the house no later than 5:50am. I was getting my hair curled by my mother when the first plane hit. It was on the news and labeled as an accident. I remember thinking, “How could someone accidentally fly into THAT?” Once I got to my bus stop I heard about the second plane via Steve Harvey’s morning show playing on the radio on the school bus. It wasn’t until I was picked up from school early that I heard a about the 2nd and 3rd attacks on Washington D.C. and Pennsylvania. Even though I was on another coast it still felt eerie hearing that the US was under attack…

Today, it has become commonplace to hear someone lower their tone and say, “Well, you know since 9/11 (insert policy) has changed”. These past 10 years have not changed me for the worst in seeing beefed up security at airports, heightened security levels, and the infamous war on terror. It has not left me cold, angry, nor indifferent. It has made me wiser to know what people are capable of and instead not to put ANYTHING past another human being. Yes, the disaster that occurred in DC, Pennsylvania, and New York were diabolical, but in the following days after the disaster I had NEVER seen this country come together in such a way before. So now I never put it past myself to know that in the time of need we as Americans are capable of coming out of a dire place much stronger.

     That is what 9/11 stands for to me. I time that in the dire time Americans pushed past the dust and citizens became a part of a UNITED states of America.

I’ve been feeling rather downtroddened as of late…

This is not so much because of dealing with my father’s death of Alzheimer’s. It’s more so concerning the activities surrounding it. Without going in-depth into recent activity I will say that I cannot stress the importance of transparency, not only in one’s business matters but also in life. Handle yourself in a way that you will not be ashamed to bring forth later.

I have to shake it off these matters though…can’t let it affect my work as it has been. I’ve been trying to handle matters with the involved parties myself. I’m throwing in the towel. Letting go and Letting God…

-Meesh

My Father’s Funeral Was Last Week…

This is something I wrote for the obituary I thought I’d share:

My Daddy’s Success

 

My father always emphasized the importance of being successful in life. Even in my father’s death I feel as though he has found his success. You see, I define success as reaching a point when all is well with one’s soul. A point at which time nothing can hinder that state. 

I cannot cry tears of sadness at this time of my father’s homegoing simply because it is just that, a time that My father can return home and be at peace. There will no longer be any want nor need. My father is now able to truly experience the everlasting life found in Christ. And I am so blessed for that. It gives me, “the peace of God, which passeth all understanding”. The time that he had here with us cannot compare to the everlasting joy and peace found in the presence of the the Almighty God…THAT is everlasting success. 

My father was blessed with a gift as a craftsman. He had an anointing to build and construct. He shared that gift freely with others becoming a blessing to many in the process. He was always willing to teach his craft to others as it brought a joy to him in the process. Some of my fondest moments with my father was simply spending time with him as I watched him fix and build things. But while I do cherish the time I have had with him I cannot lose sight that he is now at peace. That in itself is more than enough reason for me to celebrate his life and his peaceful homegoing. So if you do see me shed a tear know that it is that of joy now that he has found his eternal success.

I love you daddy,
Michelle

Traditions…

Are killing the Church. But I’m not one to sit back and partake, nor watch for that matter. Can we start breaking out of these traditions and routines to bring forth something new? Maybe something that won’t make others see Christianity as a hypocritical joke.

The subject came up in conversation today. It is unbelievable how so many traditions, ideas (that SOMETIMES can not even be found in the Bible) and so many verses that are heavily misinterpreted can have such heavy rule at times.

The bad thing is that some of the traditions the church are stuck in most times have lost their meaning. So many people follow because they are told to. It’s just the “right” thing to do. Everything is routine. And that routine, as we know, can kill one’s soul (figuratively and sometimes literally) due to lack of knowledge….lack of meaning to a person. Something as simple as communion has just become “snack time” in some places. It has really become that insignificant to some.

 

     This is not to jump on everyone who sincerely trying to follow Christ. All I am saying really know what your are following. That is the most exhilarating part of any relationship…trying to learn of one’s ways. And is it no different with The Father.

On Bernice King

     My evening has not gone according to plan. I was supposed to hit the gym come home and writing out lessons for tomorrow evening. Buuuut that is what happens when I try to plan my evenings. Instead I was offset by my chocolate/sweet cravings and my need to get a brownie fix (which did not occur). So I made a peanut butter and jelly sammich (sans a much needed cold glass of milk) and looked at the mirror saying I’m fine just the way I am so fahget a gym!

     Instead, I read over the news of Bernice King, the daughter of Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King, leaving New Birth Missionary Baptist Church. Of course, I originally thought her move stemmed from the Eddie Long scandal. However, in an interview she said she felt an unction to move on ever since her mother’s passing in 2006.

     I have had the pleasure to hear her speak on several occasions in the past few years. One thing that I have noticed that I appreciate is that she shows no allegiance to a church, a name, nor title… Instead she shows allegiance to The Father. And makes that very clear in an ever so respectful manner. Every time her words have been right on with what I would be feeling yet never had the eloquence of words to bring forth. Not to say she would dress things up…she would just set things out straight. That is what I appreciate about her…she allows the Lord to use her as a vessel as we all should do.

     December was the last time heard her speak. [Video] I was visiting New Birth that Sunday and when she was done I ran up to the front to address how much I enjoyed her sermon… I’m sure I looked like some crazed fan as I was yelling to no avail under the choir’s dismissal music. Oh well…

     Hearing that Bernice King had the unction to move on from New Birth since her mother’s passing took me back to the powerful eulogy that she brought forth at the funeral dealing with the issues preventing people from inheriting that which the Father has for us. She went on to explain that people are, “suffering from a complication of cancer from materialism and greed and selfishness and arrogance and elitism and poverty and racism and perversion and obscenity and misogyny and idolatry and violence and militarism…a cancer that is eating away at the very essence and the nature of what God created human kind to be…” which is very much true.

     The eulogy/sermon went on to explain that we must be born again. However, I’ve never been one to believe in the sense of “born again” where one goes to the front of the church repeats a couple of verses and going on to live life as usual. I’ve always seen it as a birthing process where one walks in accordance and is led by the word and spirit to the final result being the perfection that is the fullness of Christ in said person.

     I’ve always heard that in some form when Bernice speaks. Which from time takes a turn from that which is taught at New Birth. I applaud her for that….having the moxie to go move, carryout and speak what the Father speaks. So in whatever endeavors the Lord has her move onto I pray that his will is done. Because she is one heavy sista.

Hustle Mentality

Cash, Rings and Shiny things….WE GLORIFY THE HUSTLA in this John Gotti, Jay Z, Biggie, Officer Rick Ross impersonating society. Praising lying, using, and objectifying whatever and whomever while saying we get things done “by any means necessary” (Malcolm would cringe). Yet we refuse to acknowledge those who legitimately (and tastefully for that matter) acquire things through God-given talents. *shrugs*

Now, I’m not a hustler nor do I want to hustle. Especially in looking at the definition:

Hustle (verb)
1 [ trans. ] informal obtain by forceful action or persuasion : the brothers headed to New York to try and hustle a record deal.
• ( hustle someone into) coerce or pressure someone into doing or choosing something : don’t be hustled into anything.
• sell aggressively : he hustled his company’s oil around the country.
• obtain by illicit action; swindle; cheat : Linda hustled money from men she met.
2 [ intrans. ] informal engage in prostitution.

I’ve known peoples busy jumping from various short-term “jobs” selling mixtapes, Kush, GRAGA & NUCCI BAGS, incense, or whatever else they can get into. And we know for a fact that many in corporate use and abuse their positions hustling…and doing so in the truest essence of the word.  All the while staying in a cash/egotistical driven state of perpetual catch up.

HOWEVER, I’ve never thought much of those who use the term to describe their legitimately acquired job, nor have I understood why. I think the mentality that we have at times is that we have make a swindle in order to live. That is to say you have to bend or break the rules for things to work out. Always believing that we are going against the grain to get by. Now, I could say that Cash Rules Everything Around Me (CREAM) which is the reason that this mentality ensues in society. Buuuut, it’s not just the tangible things folks are hustling for. Never has never will be.

Control. That’s all we are after…that supreme supremacy. The same reason Lucifer fell from grace. That’s what we’re after? Break it down to the base and that what you have.

I like to believe that everything that is given or attained in My life is given by the grace of God through Christ. Not me. I’m not in control. All I’m doing is flowing according to The Word in obedience and he’s taken care of me quite well. To the point that it even makes the hustler wonder, “How she get that?”

What is comes down to is a simple fact: Im blessed to be a blessing…never hustling to be a hustler.

-Meesh

No Love.

I hear too many people saying, “Love thy neighbor as thyself” without evening stopping to realize in our mindset most don’t even know how to love themselves. I mean, I see the way some of you all love yourselves and well….you can miss me with that. For so many of us the idea of love sounds quite appeasing, nevertheless it is foreign… Acknowledge that we need to learn how to love first (but none of that emotional stuff). Don’t jump the gun.

 

False Markers

Sometimes it seems as though we have allowed the media to make us believe we have lackluster realities, which force us to look towards celebrities for guidance. I had a conversation a couple weeks back on Facebook about a video of Steve Harvey giving his thoughts on relationships.  My friend and I agreed problem within the community where we rely so heavily on entertainers for any kind of guidance.

He went on to say:

I’m tired of entertainers trying to shop us [lies] with no facts…have our people looked to the “harlequin” to tell us how to run our lives? his job is to make us laugh and following his credentials that’s all he is qualified for. Academically or even through experience because he isn’t proficient by either standard. I just would like for people to see that because someone has money or tv face time doesn’t make them a subject matter expert.

To which I responded:

We’ve settled on looking to entertainers to tell us how to live our lives simply because that is what thrown at us constantly. There is a lack of critical thinkers, intellectuals, and more importantly religious leaders in our own community to lead us. So we turn to these entertainers. They see this and instead of trying to better themselves in order to help…they front and act as though they have reached a standard that the rest of the community should now reach…A false marker…

With so many people looking to entertainers for guidance we have lost any sense of stability. Like my friend said, “just because someone has money or tv face time doesn’t make them a subject matter expert”. But so many people don’t see that. In a right-now society we’ll take whatever is put in front of us and make that something we strive for. We have settled and made a false marker for ourselves.

 

Resolutions

Tis the time of year that folks start coming up with their own resolutions of what they think they should do to better themselves in the new year. Once again trying to take control of what they want to do in the next year. But all that planning… how does doing that help further the KINGDOM?  Well, it doesn’t if it’s not truly inspired by the Lord. Yes, I see you trying to take the initiative to do the right thing and imma let you finish… but if a good foundation is lacking what’s the point?!

I’m not trying to be a Kanye/”Betty Downer” and rain on anybody’s parade by any means… just hear me out.

When we set New Years Resolutions generally, we are setting your mind to do something according to your own might. I know I’d usually be the first one to say, “I can do it! This is that year. LET’S GRIND!”

Ha.Ha.

Why not lean on the Lord and walk on His Word? He has a set path that He is waiting for us to take. A path that does multiple jobs. While cleaning us up it also makes His ways/Word in you greater which furthers His Kingdom. And the great thing is you don’t have to put off until January 1st to do it. Everything is in The Lord’s “time” and  there are NO BOUNDARIES in His will.

That is a major problem with many Christians people in various walks. We tend to move and figure things out according to our own time. We create boundaries for ourselves. When you look at it there should be a New Year everyday. [Wait, what?] That is to say we should submit to Him daily. That way we don’t have to try to make things work in our own time. Instead you are in The Father’s will and time is not a matter. Because meeting deadlines is rather hectic… especially if you are a procrastinator like myself.  And the great thing is we would be walking according to The Lord’s will where things would manifest according to His Spirit and not your own might, which means NO WORK ON YOUR BEHALF. It’s a win-win!

That Daily New Year is the process of being birthed in His Spirit. Submitting to The Father’s will on the daily and in all areas. We have made the New Year out to be the time of creating our own clean slate. But in the reality of the Spirit… EVERYDAY should be the cleansing of one’s slate. An ongoing process until you remain in the His Spirit and ways and His Spirit and ways remain in you. So do not get caught up in the hype this year. Instead focus on submitting to Him daily…so that newness that’s found in Him can be in us, clean slate and all…Everyday.

Happy New Year.

With Love,

Meesh

Tags: 2011, Christians, Control, God, Kanye, Keep Calm, New Years Resolutions